How often, though, do you really listen with the intention of understanding someone else?

When I was in college, I was shocked when a couple of my friends told me I wasn’t a good listener. Thankfully, there was a course on interpersonal communications offered at the school, so the following semester, I signed up. What a godsend. The professor was amazing at his job. During a discussion in class, I interrupted a classmate before she finished speaking. I was embarrassed when my professor announced to the class that what I did was a great example of listening to reply rather than listening to understand.

Even though I felt bad, I suddenly understood why my friends perceived me as a poor listener. Instead of listening closely, I was assuming that I knew what they were trying to communicate making the exchange about me rather than about the person speaking. 

What can you do to become a better listener?

Your mind is continually analyzing as you listen.

We may be making assumptions and jumping to conclusions as they speak.

You may even jump in and cut them off. (Since I am being honest with you, I am still guilty of this every so often. Not to make excuses, but I get excited during a discussion, and sometimes I just can’t wait to add my two cents.)

Building better relationships takes becoming more self-aware. So, If you notice yourself interrupting, acknowledge your behavior to the other person. I learned that apologizing can come off as glib. Asking forgiveness can leave you feeling vulnerable and, as such, can be a strong reminder not to do it again.)

Set your intention to be a better listener. As you listen to your significant other or family members, critique yourself. Are you jumping in before they finish speaking, believing that you know what they are going to say? Or are you waiting until they are finished and then repeating back what you believe they were trying to communicate?

Make a note when you find yourself jumping in. Notice how many times you interrupt another person. The only way to change the behavior is to first acknowledge that it needs to change and then to be willing to make a change. 

From there, it takes lots of practice. Notice when you cut someone else off. Notice when you are making assumptions rather than asking questions to gain clarity.

If you’d like to chat about this, please feel free to email me at [email protected] and we will set it up.

I look forward to meeting you.